Sometimes you need a little resistance to help you understand your freedoms.

So this Vixen is off to parts unknown, in search of different dark alleys to rub up against and new erotic horizons to explore. I’m looking for a dare-to-be-great situation, just like romantic kickboxer Lloyd Dobler, where I can unleash Power Laura upon the world in all her salacious glory.

This is my final column here at the Hour, but don’t despair: You’ll always be able to find me online at blackheartmagazine.com, where I’ll continue to share dirty secrets, hot pin-up photos and erotica every week until sex goes out of style.

For the record: If sex ever goes out of style, please feel free to take a cyanide capsule with me. No Brave New World of pills and potions is worth replacing sex in all its filth and wisdom.

I’ve been writing this column since October of 2007, and over that time I’ve covered a lot of material. Even so, there’s always more to discuss, more ideas to contemplate and stories to share. Sex is a part of life that, to me, is important and inspiring. Others may view this attitude as prurient, morally bankrupt or somehow obscene, but they’ve got limited vision.

Without sex, where would any of us be? Whether we are lusting for it, getting off, wanting more or less, searching for love in all the wrong places or posting nude pix of ourselves online for all the world to see, there are plenty of angles and avenues to explore, daily.

I am often astonished by the multitude of intelligent sex sites currently available, from reliably witty Dan Savage columns to button-pushing pieces like Susannah Breslin’s They Shoot Porn Stars, Don’t They? (www.theyshootstars.com). Heck, even the December 11 Natalie Dee comic (www.nataliedee.com/121109/the-wait-is-over.jpg) is a great commentary on sex, love, relationships and the dangers of stereotypical gender roles. (Plus the idea of "17 luscious holes!" is pretty hilarious.)

There’s a helluva lot of material out there. And it’s up to us to sort through it, digest it, ponder it and decide whether we think it’s good, bad, ugly or some grey area in between. I’ve always enjoyed bringing my readers bits and pieces of the news that somehow relate to sex, in order to drive the point home that sex is everywhere. It’s unavoidable, like it or not. So we might as well figure out what we think about it, and what we want to see in the future, because otherwise we’ll just get the same old, dumbed-down porno crap that we’ve always gotten.

To quote one of the great elders of smut, Susie Bright: "If you don’t like what you see, go out and make your own."

I’ve always kept that idea in the back of my mind, and now I think it’s high time I go out and make some of my own multimedia porn-art creations to share with the world. Here, in this column, it’s been a lot of sexual philosophy, a bit of sex ed and a dash of T&A to keep things interesting. Out there, in the wilds of the Internet, it can be so much more. It can be another very important sexual revolution.

So I hope that you’ve enjoyed some of the things I’ve written here, and if you’d like to keep reading what I write, do feel free to check out blackheartmagazine.com or my personal website at buttontapper.com.

For now, let’s go out with a bang together, dear readers. Think of your dirtiest fantasy, the thing you’d do in a second with no strings attached, and go someplace private for a little one-on-one wank session. Consider this my gift to you, as you moan and wail and stroke your way to happiness. Merry XXXmas, dear readers. I’ll see you in cyberspace.

Sex workers are rarely seen as complex individuals who may have a cornucopia of reasons for choosing the work that they do. Indeed, it is almost never acknowledged that anyone would choose this line of work much less consider it to be honest-to-god work. Instead, the idea that sex workers need saviours predominates.

Stella and safe sex work

Stella, a Montreal group that aims to offer information, resources and support by and for sex workers, seeks to change that. Found in 1995, the group is very active in the community, offering health services and legal advice as well as participating in causes like the Farha Foundation’s annual Ça Marche AIDS walk. To help ensure the safety of sex workers, the group maintains an internal Bad Tricks and Assaulters list, as well as continually working toward the decriminalization of sex work across Canada, in solidarity with various local groups.

Why not legalization, rather than decriminalization, some may ask? Stella offers a great summary on their website, noting that "in countries where sex work has been legalized, the state regulates sex work," which they suggest could potentially lead to other problems including paying "special" taxes, working only in designated areas, or requiring permits and physical exams that could lead to even more dangerous practices, like the erroneous belief that bareback sex is risk-free. While the term "legalization" seems to imply a betterment of conditions through such state regulation, it still seeks to segregate sex work from "real" work, which is not at all ideal.

Decriminalization, on the other hand, involves "removing the sections that make our work criminal in the eyes of the law from the law itself." This adjustment to Canada’s Criminal Code would thereby legalize the work, but the important difference is that it would also acknowledge sex work as real work – work requiring the same levels of support that any other self-employed, freelance worker enjoys. Since regulation and protection of workers is already a part of Canada’s employment standards, decriminalization would make sex work a job like any other, and thereby help to diminish the associated stigma.

Literary assets

This year Stella has also produced a special issue of their ConStellation magazine on the subject of working conditions. This large-format magazine is fully bilingual, with French and English versions of all the included material, and allows sex workers from all trades to speak their minds about their chosen professions. Written under their trade names, the interviews offer great insights into the real world of sex work, making it clear what’s involved, what’s at stake and what life is like for different types of workers. The special issue, focused on the realities of sex work in Canada, is aimed both at education and at allowing workers to finally represent themselves in print.

As I read through the interviews, it seemed that the most common theme was one of being an independent contractor. From prostitution to sensual massage to starring in adult films to stripping, each of the women (and some men) profiled described their positions in ways that apply to most modern freelancers. The major difference? Sex workers must play with language in order to evade criminal prosecution, which contributes to making their jobs less safe because they cannot clearly state rates and services offered.

I think it’s important to understand that these women are truly independent businesswomen, like any others. Regardless of the nature of their positions or reasons for choosing this line of work, they absolutely deserve the right to clearly state their business, to offer their services and to make their own decisions about their lives based on facts, not stereotypes or false information. Forcing them to go underground, to evade plain language in order to strike deals, is not only dangerous but inappropriate for a society that claims to prize truth in advertising.

Whether you’re actively involved in this world, considering the possibility of joining it or simply want to support these hard-working women, you can pick up a copy of ConStellation at Stella’s headquarters at #404-2065 Parthenais. The magazine is free for sex workers or $15 for the curious.

For more information on Stella, to get involved or to make a donation, please see their website at chezstella.org.

When I read the news, over at the U.K.’s Guardian, my first reaction was disbelief. Why would a scientist need to make money as a high-end prostitute? The article stated that she had run out of money while finishing her PhD thesis, and since she hadn’t yet obtained the degree, she was unable to find work in her field. Um, sure, but as most of us who’ve ever been students know, you’re going to have to settle for work that isn’t necessarily in your field, at least until graduation and maybe even for the six to 12 months thereafter. Who do you think waits your tables and calls you in the middle of dinner to ask some market research questions?

Online opportunity

The article notes that Magnanti was already a science blogger, which leads me to wonder why she didn’t try to write scientific articles for money. Degrees aren’t usually required for that type of work, and being in the process of obtaining a degree in the field could only be seen as a bonus, giving your writing credibility. Magnanti also says she attempted work as a computer programmer, but didn’t find it nearly as "interesting" as prostitution.

Was it more interesting, or did it just pay better? Magnanti claims she was paid £300 an hour (roughly $530 Canadian) for each of her trysts, which is certainly more than the average computer programmer makes. Then again, it all depends on how many real work hours she put in per week. Sex work isn’t the same as computer programming, which can be done for hours on end and may require plenty of overtime. Nor is it necessarily a steady job: Who can predict whether or not their clients will make repeat visits or even whether they will see you on a weekly basis? Is there enough work to go around? It’s a freelance type of job really, so money undoubtedly comes and goes.

I guess my real issue with this revelation is two-fold. The first part is where I ask myself, "Who the hell is worth £300 an hour in bed?" I have been trying to think of someone whom I’d pay that kind of money to fuck. We’ve all got celebrity crushes, after all, and if you could have your way with anyone in the world, maybe you’d pay for the privilege, right? Jude Law, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Johnny Depp… take your pick! Or if you prefer the ladies, the celeb web would have us believe that not only every guy but every woman wants to go gay for Angelina Jolie. However you want to have your cake and eat it too, £300 is just a mere drop in the bucket for a night with your idol.

Free-market lovin’

Even so, when it comes down to reality, I can’t think of anyone whom I’d want to pay, at any price, for a night of passion. Call me old-fashioned, but I like my sex freely traded. I like to believe that sex is an expression of love, or at least genuine lust, between two people. When money enters the equation, the sexual thrill for me is gone. Sure, you may give it up for someone you don’t particularly like (much less love) for any number of reasons, but doing it for cash seems so seedy. And ultimately, it doesn’t matter what the price paid might be: Everybody fucking for money is dependent on some capitalist swine to pay her bills. Why consciously put yourself in the position where a man holds your purse strings?

As for the second part of the equation, well… I just don’t believe that mousy-looking soccer-mom-ish chick in the photo was ever a high-paid hooker. I believe that certain men will pay any amount for sex, but they’re going to want a looker. Brooke Magnanti is not, under any circumstances, a looker. In fact, she looks like someone’s regular ol’ mom, which probably means she looks like her clients’ wives, which is exactly the problem. Guys who pay for sex frequently already have wives, and they certainly don’t want to pay to fuck them! High-priced prostitution is supposed to be an escape, a fantasy; clients are looking for the exotic, the bold and the beautiful. Or at least someone who can sell them the belief that the woman they’re getting is a prime specimen. Even if you gussied her up with make-up, a hair cut, stilettos and a miniskirt, I’m still not buying what Magnanti’s selling.

What about you?

Legally speaking, prostitution itself isn’t technically against the law, although living off of the money made by selling sexual services is. That anyone can buy sex or sell sex but no one is supposed to use the money made from the encounter, even to do wild and crazy things like paying bills, is patently absurd. After all, what’s the point of having someone pay you for sex if you can’t turn around and use the money?

But that’s exactly the point: Canada’s current laws against prostitution punish the women who choose to engage in this form of business, but allow the men who solicit their services to get exactly what they want, penalty-free (unless, of course, they’re caught red-handed in a bawdy house). It’s a sexist racket, preventing independent businesswomen from doing what they do best, not to mention the fact that the underground nature of the business makes everything much more dangerous for all those involved.

Morality tail

Isn’t it time we rethought these fundamentally flawed laws in order to better reflect the reality of the situation? After all, if a woman chooses to sell sex to another adult who is willing to pay for it, shouldn’t that be her right?

The big issue, of course, is the moral dilemma. Prostitution is still considered immoral by most of society, though the women who sell their services are far more persecuted than the men who buy them. This imbalance of power (and criminal retribution) just doesn’t add up. If there were no demand, after all, there would be no point in a woman offering her sexual services, so why shouldn’t the johns be considered equally guilty in this equation?

Furthermore, why isn’t prostitution – and any other form of sex work, for that matter – considered a legitimate profession? It’s been around since the dawn of civilization and there’s clearly considerable money to be made if you’re good at what you do. There’s an obvious need for this type of service, whether we personally choose to believe it (or purchase it) or not; sometimes it’s merely the thrill of the forbidden, other times it’s a necessity for people who cannot otherwise find sexual companionship. The point is that prostitution is never going to go away, so we might as well accept this fact and decide what to do about it.

Fair trade for all

I believe that sex workers should be protected under the law, just like any other workers in the world. Especially given the very dangerous situations sex workers can find themselves in, the need for legal protection is huge. Suburban motels, for instance, are not the safest places to meet new customers, and without bodyguards or drivers to protect them, sex workers may find their lives at risk if their clients get violent. Since sex work is an underground profession, complaints to the police often go unheeded or the tables may be turned upon the victim based purely upon her chosen profession. Is this right or fair?

Whether or not we morally approve of sex work, it is our responsibility to support and protect the human rights of sex workers. The men and women who service our sexual needs are human beings just like the rest of us and deserve to be treated as such. They are often expected to go above and beyond the scope of their professions, to play therapists or relationship advisors or caregivers for people who crave human affection, comfort and companionship. These are difficult roles to take on, even when one is being paid well to perform them, but oftentimes sex workers are not appropriately compensated for these additional demands on their time. They never make overtime, receive no benefits like health care or retirement funds and do not get paid unless they go to work regularly. Like part-time employees who do not receive full-time benefits, sex workers have similar hardships. It may not be glamorous, but shouldn’t we give that a bit of thought the next time we oversimplify their work as "easy money"?

Rabbit Rabbit plays at Bain St-Michel (5300 St-Dominque) and Suburban Motel at Mainline Theatre (3997 St-Laurent Blvd.), both to Nov. 29.

McGill researcher Sabina Sarin doesn’t think so. Sarin is currently conducting a study on sexual desire and arousal, and is looking for willing participants. She’s recruiting both men and women in the community who are experiencing low sexual desire and/or arousal levels, as well as those experiencing healthy sexual function. Her study stems from the limitations she believes we have in thinking about desire and arousal.

"Arousal is defined for both men and women as physical: erection, lubrication," says Sarin. "Desire is defined as fantasies or desire for sexual activity. When women come in and say they’re having difficulty getting aroused, we’ve been using a vaginal photoplethysmography probe to measure levels of arousal." The probe is actually a light diode with a rubber stopper – inserted into the vagina, it records changes in the light based on changes in blood flow. Sarin believes this system of measurement helped reveal an important disconnect between women’s reported (mental) desires and their physiological levels of arousal, but now the issue is that of trying to understand the reasons behind this disconnect.

Measured excitement

"The probe measures the amplitude of blood flow," she says, "but we’re not really sure what the numbers mean. They’re not absolute – the measurements can differ even on the same person at different times, and they don’t really translate to meaningful indications of changes in arousal levels." Instead, she says her study uses a thermal imaging camera that uses infrared technology to track heat.

Temperature levels are much easier to understand, and can be compared to other results more easily. Additionally, the test can be performed on men as well as women, as it requires no direct contact with the participant – this will help compare any differences between the two genders. The hope is that the test will also help examine whether the mind/body disconnect is real or just a result of outdated technology.

"Women come in saying they can’t be aroused, but physically we see that they seem to be aroused," Sarin says. "We’re wondering what causes this and how we can help close this gap."

Sarin has a number of hypotheses, including the idea that women are more sensitive to context than men. If they’re distracted, they may not feel aroused even if, physically, their bodies are responding to their partner’s touch. It’s this area where arousal does not reflect desire that interests Sarin, who thinks there’s a difference between desire and what she calls "mental arousal."

"Sixty-five percent of women say they don’t have fantasies," she told me in a recent interview. That seems unbelievable, but apparently these women report thinking about sex but not fantasizing about it. While they don’t fantasize throughout their day-to-day lives, they will often use fantasies to increase their levels of arousal during sexual activities. This is an interesting gender difference to note, as Sarin believes it indicates the importance of the erotic process for women.

Fantasy worlds

Sarin also thinks that an important piece of the puzzle is the fact that women can have fantasies without necessarily experiencing a desire for sex. This desire for erotic pleasure is associated with being the object of someone’s desire, and if this aspect is removed – as after a relationship’s "honeymoon period" has expired – many women experience a drop-off in desire. This lack of romancing or even simply non-sexual touching that leads to sexual encounters is lost, and what takes its place is a more goal-based version of sex, where orgasm is important but savouring the experience is not.

"We’re so focused on the end goal instead of the erotic process," Sarin says, "that if we start something, we feel we must finish it. And, of course, by ‘finish’ we mean with an orgasm. Why?"

Sarin poses an interesting question: If we broaden the ways in which we think about and express desire and arousal as many couples in long-term relationships do – particularly as they age and intercourse becomes more physically challenging – would we perhaps not see so many women with lack of desire? Furthermore, since her study relies on participants watching sexual explicit material (i.e., porn) while having their genital temperatures measured, will it conclusively show that our desires do not match our arousal levels precisely because our desires are not so easily packaged and sold? I, for one, am looking forward to the results.

If you’d like more information about the McGill Sexual Desire and Arousal Study, or would like to participate, contact Sabina at 514-398-5323 or by email at mcgillsdastudy@gmail.com.

A.B. Norml, or Abbie for short, would like you to know up front that she hates the term "female MC," whether it’s applied to her personally or to women in hip-hop more generally. "You don’t need the qualifier; it’s retarded and redundant," she says in one of her MySpace blog entries, pointing out that she’s neither a freak show nor some kind of anomaly. There are plenty of ladies in the masculine world of hip-hop, after all, but as she further clarifies, "Hip-hop’s just not that into you."

Can I get a what-what?

Label breaking

During a recent conversation, Abbie told me about her life in hip-hop, which has only recently begun in earnest. She’s been writing rhymes for years, and recently performed live at the intimate Poésie Boudoir show, but had never thought much about her abilities until she became interested in the scene and started going to shows. She met a whole slew of whack MCs, some of whom she got better acquainted with backstage and others who even made her feel special, but ultimately she thinks that women aren’t quite accepted into the culture unless they fit into one of two moulds: the kid sister or the ho.

"It’s not that there’s anything inherently misogynistic in hip-hop culture," she clarifies. "Rappers call women bitches and ho’s because women who hang out with rappers act like bitches and ho’s. I’m sure strippers have equally nice labels for their clients."

Abbie speaks from a certain type of experience: She used to model for everyone from Suicide Girls to Richard Kern, and classifies that era of her young life as a time where she felt disrespected. "I’ve been pretty. I’ve had people take beautiful pictures of me and pay me lots of money for the privilege," she says. "But ultimately who cares? They didn’t want to hear what I had to say. They didn’t want to know what was on my mind."

Now that she’s a rapper, however, all that is about to change. Set to drop her first album – an ambitious double that she refers to as her "love child," entitled Bint – on All Hallows Eve, Abbie’s a woman on a mission.

She’s also got some pretty sweet tracks ready to seduce and destroy, like her Notes for Sasha Gray, a cheeky little number directed at one of her pop culture idols, the notorious porn star-cum-actress-cum-musician.

Street sounds

Abbie describes her sound as part of the conscious hip-hop genre, and says the kind of music she typically listens to is made by and aimed primarily at "dorky white college boys." She says it’s important to note that although she raps, she mainly views herself as a street artist, since hip-hop culture is more than just the music, also emphasizing graffiti artwork, dancing and hanging out in alleys. "No one is illegal or discriminated against in an alley," she says.

Although there are plenty of women in mainstream hip-hop, Abbie thinks that it’s hard to find women who are truly independent in the culture. "There are no independent female rappers," she says, "in the sense of not being on major labels, as well as not merely being commodities or products, and not having guys backing them up in some way." But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing; Abbie herself raps about products (or "produkt" as she calls it, referencing her partner-in-crime, Alex Produkt), and wouldn’t mind becoming both rich and famous one day.

"I aspire to be hip-hop’s daughter," she laughs, noting that most women in the industry are too busy worrying about their looks, or forming bands with their boyfriends, not realizing how easy it really is to get involved. She hopes to become a positive female force, enabling other women to get involved in the community without feeling they have to submit to stereotypes or put themselves up on the Chanel pedestal. "You have to be real," she says. "Hip-hop is all about keeping it real, so just be yourself no matter what."

For more of A.B. Norml, including sweet hook-ups to her latest tracks, check out her MySpace page at www.myspace.com/abprodukt.

First things first though: Mostly, women don’t "arc" like they do in porn. Mostly, female ejaculation comes more as a trickle or a gush, a feeling of being extra wet. Some may, indeed, knowingly soak the sheets, and others may not even realize they’ve contributed to the wet spot.

According to Sundahl, who recently spoke at a great workshop at Montreal’s Joy Toyz, the source of female ejaculation is the G-spot, or female prostate. Just as with the male prostate, the female version runs along the urethral canal and creates a fluid that can be ejected as ejaculate. Though the male prostate is four times larger, it only has two ducts and glands; the female prostate, by comparison, has 48 ducts and glands. No wonder it can create such a flood!

G, I never knew…

Sundahl informed the workshop group that all women have a G-spot, and that we can see it with the naked eye. She then showed us a photo of a woman’s vulva, and asked if we could spot it. We weren’t sure, so she showed us a video of a woman ejaculating. Her vulva was filmed up close, and we could see the trickle of prostatic fluid (ejaculate) running down from a bulbous, grape-like area that was being massaged. This is the G-spot, which increases in size when stimulated, and can be found with the aid of a mirror, and maybe a G-spot toy.

One of the few men in the class asked Sundahl if there’s any reproductive purpose to female ejaculate, an interesting question prompted by her introduction, which noted that ancient cultures all knew about the G-spot and female ejaculation and encouraged it as an important part of sex. Sundahl replied that female ejaculate contains glucose, which seeps into the walls of the vagina and provides a more hospitable environment for sperm, so it does actually play a role in reproduction.

More importantly, however, she noted that many women are often diagnosed as having chronic urinary tract infections (UTIs), when really they are suffering from pelvic muscle tension. She says that about 30 percent of both men and women have chronic pelvic pain, and that this can often be relieved by having G-spot orgasms accompanied by ejaculation. The release of the ejaculate, according to Sundahl, can often soothe that burning sensation, because of that glucose content, and she suggests that those who suffer from this type of pelvic tension should get a copy of Tami Kent’s book Wild Feminine to help self-diagnose.

Protect the big O

On a similar topic, Sundahl believes the reason many women don’t have G-spot orgasms is because we generally "have no consciousness about female organs and how delicate they are." She believes we treat them very harshly, both sexually and in ordinary life, believing them to be somehow indestructible when, in fact, they are soft and delicate and in need of protection. She says that typically, women’s G-spots are "numbed out" by the way we approach sex in our society, and that it’s a problem of our point of view. Instead of grinding away at the G-spot, we should view it as a rose petal, and take pains to treat it gently, rubbing it between two fingers as though it’s a fragile, thin petal that could easily be torn.

This image was definitely one that resonated with the workshop, and we agreed to take up her challenge to examine our own vulvas in search of our G-spots. Though I’m not sure I would agree with her assessment of the smell of female ejaculate as "inspiring," Sundahl’s class was definitely eye-opening, both in terms of the G-spot and female ejaculation, and in terms of how sex-phobic our society really is.

A small handful of mostly women attended this workshop, making me wonder why feminine pleasure is, apparently, still only important to women. Isn’t female sexual health and pleasure everyone’s concern? Shouldn’t we all be more in touch with our own bodies, as well as our sexual needs and desires?

If, as Sundahl posits, the lack of female ejaculation can cause health problems and sexual release can heal them, perhaps our doctors and medical system should be a little more interested in taking women’s concerns seriously and studying these so-called "alternative" methods that were known by ancient cultures all around the world.

Ultimately, why is it that women’s bodies are considered so scary that we must repress them, either by telling them that certain organs don’t even exist or by making women feel dirty or wanton for allowing themselves the very same ecstatic release of fluid that men can take without thinking?

In my opinion, it’s high time for a G-spot orgasm/female ejaculation revolution! Get out your mirrors, buy yourselves a G-spot toy, get a copy of Sundahl’s book and take charge of your health, happiness and self-expression.

For more information on Deborah Sundahl, her book, the G-spot and/or female ejaculation, please see her website at deborahsundahl.com.

On the face of it, Léotard’s pronouncement seems as if it should be obvious, in the same way that we know that gays and lesbians are born gay or lesbian. It’s just a fact of life; deal with it. And yet I found myself wondering: What exactly does it mean to be born transsexual?

According to Léotard, he knew from a very young age that something didn’t feel quite right in terms of his own gender identity. He didn’t feel female, yet at age 4 he certainly didn’t have the words to describe the feeling. As a Latin prefix, "trans" means "across, beyond or on the opposite side." Léotard felt this dissonance of being on the opposite side of the generally accepted gender identity he was supposed to have. When he was in his 30s, he had gender reassignment surgery and ultimately became a man. Yet Léotard believes he was this man – a trans man – all along.

Born identity

One of my questions is what (if any) is the difference between a trans man and a male by birth? If a trans man has completed his surgery and fully become a man physically, having been born a man internally, what is the differentiating point? Gender typically refers to our sexual characteristics: In simple terms, men have penises and women have vulvas. Most people, trans or not, would likely agree that body parts alone do not make the man or woman. But what does?

If we agree that so-called masculine and feminine traits do not necessarily conform to a single gender, the picture is all the more confusing. Our gender identities usually include a mixture of typical masculine and feminine leanings. So what, then, makes people feel or experience or know that they are trans, that their inner perception of their own sex does not match up with what the world sees?

And what does it feel like to be at odds with one’s gender?

I have certainly felt at odds with my gender at times, yet I believe myself to be female, I present myself as female and I am offended if ever mistaken for male. Though I might say I feel masculine when I am lifting heavy weights at the gym – and especially when I am lifting far heavier weights than most of the other women – this does not mean I am unfeminine or a male trapped in a female’s body.

So I wonder, does this matching of internal feelings of feminine gender with outward appearance of the same gender occur because I am female on some definable level, or because I have been conditioned to believe that I am? Where does the difference occur for trans people as opposed to (as they are sometimes called) "cis" people, those who are unquestioningly comfortable with their own gender identities?

Sex/gender education

I know that gender is something we are all subtly taught by society, yet this is not a subject covered by any educational curriculum. No one will ever ask you whether you feel male or female; you are simply expected to know the difference and to check the correct box on a form. But what makes someone a man or a woman? What, really, is the difference between the two, and what happens if one is partially both?

For intersex people, I can more clearly see the issues at stake: one is neither-nor, either-or, a little of column A and a little of column B. Should you check "male" because you have much more testosterone than the average female, or "female" because you outwardly appear to be a woman? Thinking of public figures like South African sprinter Caster Semenya, people will debate how male or female you really are. Yet how, really, is gender defined, and how much do our internal feelings about this count in the overall scheme of things?

Do feelings of transgenderism come from within, or are they based upon social repression – a continuous mislabelling that is thrust upon the trans person? I certainly don’t have all the answers, but there is a large body of research, questioning and personal testimony like Axel Léotard’s available. And it’s not only for those who seek it out for personal or sex-column-writing reasons, but should be understood as an area of research and education for everyone.

If you’d like to learn more about transgender issues, the 2110 Centre (2110 Mackay) at Concordia University is a great resource. Concordia’s Co-op Bookstore (2150 Bishop) has a great selection on the subject in their gender and sexuality section, as well as exclusive signed copies of Léotard’s book. For more on Axel Léotard, please see his website at http://web.mac.com/axelphotos.

Sounds threatening to me.

Then again, Arcan had just finished her latest book, and perhaps she was feeling a kind of postpartum depression in that void between the end of one big project and the start of the next. She had written articles, and even novels, that justified suicide as a life choice. Her previous publisher, Éditions du Seuil, was quick to point out in a Sept. 25 article in The Gazette "that suicide was a theme ‘at the heart of her work and of her violent life.’"

Whether or not Arcan’s death is ruled a suicide, the fact remains that this is a terrible loss for Quebec literature, as well as for those who loved her on a more personal level. At only 36 years old, she is gone far too soon.

In the shadows

I didn’t know Arcan, personally or professionally, so I cannot speculate on why she may have decided to end her life. I find the thought itself terrible, particularly as a fellow writer and someone who has often pondered whether the fate of the artist is one of solitary suffering. There is a darkness that shadows many of the great writers, one that is cultivated as much by the media as by the artists themselves, and which unfortunately gives the idea that to be a writer is to choose a life of misery.

In many cases, I fear it is precisely the other way around. Those artists who suffer deeply often turn to writing to soothe their wounds. It certainly seems this was the case for Arcan, who wrote autobiographically about her days as a sex worker in her first novel, Putain, and became an international success because of it. Describing the life she lived as one of violence and pain, she played into the stereotype of the sex worker as a broken woman as much as she rebelled against it.

Arcan made the personal something both political and public, and her own private life was as much discussed and dissected as her novels – something every writer risks when she writes about her own experiences, no matter how veiled in fiction.

Why this societal penchant for taking the content of novels so literally, for wanting to use what the writer has written against her, always digging deeper, wanting more? Where is the line between reality and fantasy, and why do readers so long to cross this line when writers tackle intimate subjects like sex?

Beauty talks, truth walks

The easy way out is to point to Arcan’s physical appearance. She was often described in interviews as beautiful, and her appearance was almost always mentioned prominently, as though the journalist speaking to her could hardly believe someone so lovely could also be intelligent, or sensitive or deep.

What a great example of the exact ways in which we devalue women in our society. And yet Arcan herself played into this role of the "beautiful writer," with her breast implants and collagen pout. She did not attempt to disguise her beauty, and why should she? Indeed, why would journalists emphasize it so fetishistically?

When writers discuss sex candidly, readers automatically assume that the sex described reflects the writer’s own bedroom activities. This may not be the case at all, but readers develop an attraction to these writers because of their candid way of discussing a taboo subject, assuming that the writer talks about sex because she wants sex. Particularly for young, attractive, modern women, writing about sex is seen as foreplay, no matter how disgusted the writer may seem with the act of sex itself, as in Arcan’s Putain.

Because of the popularity of her first novel, Arcan continued to write in this autobiographical vein, and readers became more and more obsessed with knowing her – or the public image of her – as more of her work was published. Her latest novel was meant to break with that image, to present a completely fictional work that did not touch upon her own life at all.

Arcan completed Paradis clef en main shortly before her death; it seems as though it may now be viewed as the suicide note of a talented young writer who tragically chose to throw it all away. The title seems to mock us all, as we await the release of her final book, perhaps naively hoping Arcan succeeded in finding the keys to the paradise she sought.

Erotica is a strange beast to begin with, a beast with two backs rolling fast and furious through one filthy mind, a blur of genitalia, arousal and fantasy at its best. Images may come unbidden, unwanted, even unsexily to our unconscious minds, sometimes during the act of sex itself, and sometimes at random times during the day. Ever been in a boring meeting and started to daydream about your co-workers?

We all have, but some of us put those amusing images of the boss with her skirt hiked up down on paper. Those people are occasionally fired for their audacity, or perhaps their failure to employ a pseudonym. Others scribble persistently on coffee breaks, on napkins and in notebooks, changing just enough of the details to obscure the origins of their lust. Whatever their purpose, these people are writers of erotica, and they’ve all got unique stories to tell.

Sexpress yourself

Communicating our sexual desires isn’t always easy, whether whispered to a lover or put down in ink on paper, but it’s a great skill to have. Even if you’re not the type to read your words to a crowd or have them published where others can read them, erotic self-expression is an important part of a healthy sex life. After all, once we begin to communicate our desires, even if only in private, we can begin to understand ourselves.

Erotic writing is about giving yourself a chance to play. As adults, we often forget the importance of letting go and giving in to creative pursuits. We feel we must work at our hobbies and pastimes, to improve ourselves the way we do for jobs and other responsible adult things, but erotica is not about this at all. It’s about letting your subconscious direct the show for a while, pushing aside your ego, and allowing fantasies to step out on stage. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve already created fully formed characters or just have an intense "I" bursting out of you to moan with poetic pleasure. The point is to allow yourself to relax, explore and play.

Yes, sex is how adults play! Haven’t you ever found sex funny? If you haven’t, you’re doing it wrong. It’s not a serious activity, the type we study for and are tested upon. It’s a chance to do what feels good, for yourself and your partner(s). It is the closest we can get to that childlike innocence, where our only motive is enjoyment.

Writing about our fantasies brings yet another level to the pleasure we feel, whether we write only for our own enjoyment or to direct real-life play with partners. When we write for ourselves, we are not self-conscious, worried that we will write the wrong thing, put bodies into impossible positions, describe acts that could never really be pleasurable. The point is stream-of-consciousness, listening to our own wants and needs and writing them down.

Randy reader response

When writing for an audience, of course, things become more complicated. We must satisfy our own needs, but also pay attention to the types of things that will interest others. How do our characters look and dress? How do they express themselves, with words or actions? What is the scenario leading up to the sexual encounter? How do we move characters from casual exchanges and pleasantries to wild, animal fucking?

Secrets must be revealed! Lucky for you, I’m giving an erotic writing workshop at Joy Toyz next week (Oct. 9), where the mysteries of writing good erotica will be unravelled. Join me at my Saucy Smut class at 7 p.m. and I’ll teach you how to make your readers purr with pleasure. And if you want to get a jump on your homework, here are three helpful hints:

1. Never compare your lover’s genitalia to food, unless you’re aiming to inspire laughter in your audience or emphasizing the utter douchebaggery of your character.

2. Choose your language wisely. "Cock" sounds better than "quivering member," unless you’re trying to write an overwrought romance novel. "Pussy" is often preferable to "cunt," but this is open to debate, thanks to Inga Muscio.

3. On that note, if you haven’t read Muscio’s fabulous Cunt, you should. Preferably before attending my class. Let’s just call it "recommended reading," but since I know students never actually read their teachers’ recommendations, I promise a bit of extra credit to all those who do.

See you on Oct. 9!