Montreal cops sure seem to be giving out a lot of tickets this summer, no? Not just your standard parking and no-left-turn dealies, but your earphones-while-biking, your in-park-after-11 and your beer-in-public variations. (Someone, who is totally not me, but who possesses the exact same amount of handsomeness, may have gotten one of the above at 11:04 on a cold winter night in June.) Sure, the police have quotas, tickets produce revenue for the city and there are safety issues around the improper use of beer and iPods, but a lot of these things used to end up in warnings and "move alongs." I’m just sayin’. But hey, have you ever listened to your iPod on beer? Definitely worth $144.

If you’re heading to the Lullabye Arkestra show on Sept. 4 (and with a heavy first single called We Fuck the Night, why not?), you should think about swinging by early to catch post-flannel openers Metz. This early arrival will also allow you access to some of Casa del Popolo’s finest standing-room-only spots. The same night at Divan Orange, Toronto’s Mercy Now (featuring Shikasta’s Russell Fernandes) return to Montreal to burn the garage down alongside the new slimmed-down version of Starvin Hungry.

Lando Kal, one half of Lazer Sword, is part of this global network of cats able to put some tight jeans on hip-hop and stick some swerve in the electronics. This brave new world of ours may look a lot like the old one, but thanks to dudes like Kal, its dance floor is going to be better. He’s in Montreal on Sept. 5, playing the last edition of the Super Aqua Club monthly at Zoobizarre, the street bass night that has been visited by Machinedrum, Subtitle, Poirier, Cadence Weapon, Mike Slott, CFCF, various formats of Sixtoo and more. Since Montreal has become one of the world’s hotspots for this shizz, on hand will be the regular crew of art hosers, intellectual gangsters and bass sluts.

Sirius Satellite Radio, with the assistance of M for Montreal, is paying for a great event to be free for all of you. Going down on Sept. 5 and 6 at Place des Vestiges at the Quays of the Old Port, the lineup includes some of Montreal’s best francos and anglos: aRTIST oF tHE yEAR, The Besnard Lakes, Creature, Chinatown, Duchess Says, Les Dales Hawerchuk, Mother Mother, Misstress Barbara, Yann Perreau and more. They’ve also got Empire Isis who, let’s be honest here, is the worst thing to happen to any planet with the ability to support life. Admittedly, I’m at full player-hate when it comes to the blond "gangstress" who performs in dreadface. Lord knows the borrowing of other cultures is part of what makes music worse, but straight-up stealing it and wearing it like it’s yours is something else. Yes, I heard about her travelling the world and her Moroccan dad – that was of no help during the countless times she’s made me want to apologize on behalf of white people everywhere.

I’m running out of room because September is heating up faster than a fat guy on a Bixi, so let’s run through the goodness real quick-like. On Sept. 7, the wonderful weirdoes of Coco Rosie are at Le National, and on Sept. 8, Stereo Total and MTL’s Silly Kissers are at Lambi. Looking forward a bit, Il Motore has Young Galaxy and Treasure Hunt (members of Wolf Parade and Wintersleep) on Sept. 11, then a great rappy rap show with Busdriver and Ab Rude on Sept. 13.

The bender is dead, long live the bender!