If you read my "Sexy resolutions" column, you already know that I resolved to get my ass out to some of Joy Toyz’s workshops this year. It appears that some of you had similar resolutions, because despite the snow, there were six of us at their Striptease and Burlesque workshop this past Monday. To give credit where credit is due, all of these women were way more co-ordinated than I was. Plus, they all had great taste in stripper shoes!

Demonstrating a variety of booty-and-titty-shaking moves and forcing us all to do everything bigger, harder and faster was our fabulous teacher, Miss Velma Candyass. I was able to catch up with the busy Dead Dolls choreographer and dancer before the class for a brief interview.

Velma Candyass first got into the burlesque scene by way of her dance background, which involved chorus-line dancing and cabaret projects, in addition to good old modern dance performances. She says that it’s almost harder not to get involved, partially since chorus-line and cabaret dance is quite similar to burlesque, but also because of the ongoing burlesque revival throughout the U.S. and Canada.

"It’s playful and you can say something very straightforward in two minutes or less, rather than take 20 minutes in a contemporary dance piece that people may not understand," she says. "Plus, I don’t think there’s any burlesque out there that’s angry or about making people feel bad about themselves. It’s very light-hearted and positive in its expression."

According to Velma, the Montreal style of burlesque is often grittier and less about the glitz and glamour of places like Las Vegas, which is where her troupe, the Dead Doll Dancers, fits in. "We’re anti-glam, but we project that we think we’re glam," she says. "I mean, we’re basically chorus-line dancers gone bad. And dead!"

While she does enjoy performing classical burlesque types of numbers, Velma says her own style is more "trashy rock’n'roll." It’s not retro, but very contemporary and raw.

In her Joy Toyz Striptease and Burlesque workshop, which she’s been teaching for about seven years now, Velma helps participants learn how to really work what they’ve got in an erotic way. She assures me that despite the fact that it’s a striptease workshop, there’s actually no nudity involved. "It’s pretty ironic, actually," she says, "but it’s more about learning how to move your body than how to take off your clothes."

The classes themselves are made up of small groups of women who want to learn a bit about erotic dancing. Velma says that classes like hers have always been around, and that most of the women who attend are more curious about learning the moves for their own benefit rather than because of any specific intent to seduce others with feather boas and the removal of clothing.

"I’ve had everyone from 18-year-olds to grandmothers take the class," she says. "The average student is somewhere between 18 and 40." Velma also notes that everyone, from students to professionals, has tried her class, with most wanting to push themselves to break personal barriers and prove that it’s not as hard as it seems.

Of course, if you’re as uncoordinated as I am, it may be a physical challenge too. Some background in dance would certainly be helpful (though not required), as learning to move your arms and legs in different directions at the same time can be a bit tricky. Oh, and definitely don’t show up wearing jeans if you plan on shaking that ass!

Though there’s no pole dancing involved, there are more than enough poses and moves to learn. For the final class, Velma asks her students to perform at least one minute of a burlesque routine in front of the group using techniques they’ve learned throughout the course. She also asks them to choose their own music and a stripper name.

"I really want someone to use Pussy Blossom," she says, "but anything with alcohol in it works."

Once you’ve mastered the basics, there’s also a second-level course for those who are interested in making more progress or just keeping things fresh in their minds.

So what’s the most important thing to remember when you’re stripping? "If you think you’re going slow, go even slower," Velma says. "Well, that and make sure you’ve got a shot of one of the boys: Jameson, José, Smirnoff… those guys."

For more of Velma Candyass, be sure to check out the Dead Doll Dancers’ website at www.myspace.com/deaddolldancers, and keep an eye out for their Valentine’s Day Post-Mortem show this February. To join the Joy Toyz Striptease and Burlesque workshop, go to joytoyz.ca. The current workshop runs from Jan. 14 to Feb. 18.