Ducky’s a little taken aback when I arrive for lunch with a copy of her five-year-old fanzine Dildo! It’s the "I Love Pussy" issue, which features, among other things, the perfect recipe for pussy.
Apparently, Tofu Wu Wu – 1 block of soft tofu, 1 can of 100 per cent pineapple juice, and salt – tastes just like vagina.
She may be beyond her wacky days as a "self-proclaimed crackpot scientist and sexologist," taste-testing foods to come up with the perfect pussy simile, but even now, as a serious sex educator, Ducky is far from ordinary.
A typical day might involve doing a workshop for a room full of virginal Orthodox Jewish women, having Kim Cattrall show up for one of her performances, or having her luggage stolen… with her taxidermy chipmunk inside.
Ducky’s new book, Sex With the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered, is the culmination of well over a decade of experience confronting her own and everyone else’s sexuality, from her days as a peepshow girl in New York City through her days working at Babeland, a sex-positive sex shop in Lower Manhattan, to today’s workshops for Orthodox Jewish women.
In between, there’s been the erotic writing, some fetish modelling, a few online sales involving her used undies – oh, and that period when she’d dress up as Knockers the Clown, sit on birthday cakes on stage and give lectures on the penises of the animal kingdom or objects found in human rectums. (According to Ducky, the medical literature at the time documented 16,000 cases of things found in people’s rectums, and, nope, not one single gerbil.)
"Knockers is dead," proclaims Ducky when I raise her colourful clown past. "She was an honest piece of who I am, but she was like a bad hairdo I had in the ’80s. It was time to let her go."
Ducky’s hardcore fans aren’t quite so willing. Every time she declares the death of Knockers publicly, she gets a flurry of emails from fans reproaching her for saying such a thing.
Still, Ducky’s not the type to overstay any period of her life.
"For most of my life, I’ve had very little intent," she tells me. "I’ve just followed life where it took me. As long as it paid the rent."
That’s what years of being orphaned and homeless and thankful to be alive will do to you.
"I never expected to live this long," confesses Ducky.
Thanks to birth defects likely caused by the fact that her mother was addicted to painkillers while pregnant with her, Ducky spent much of her childhood in leg braces and corrective glasses that gave her a "humongous googly eye."
Beyond making her the compassionate, ever-evolving person that she is, these early challenges had their physical benefits as well. Learning to retain bladder control after so many years using a catheter strengthened Ducky’s PC muscles to the point that she could orgasm just by flexing them.
A wicked sense of humour has been another side benefit.
"With a name like Ducky Doolittle, people can’t take me too seriously," she laughs. Ironically, it’s her humour that allows her to engage people in a serious dialogue about sexuality.
Teaching sexuality is like teaching any other life skill, she says, much like having a nutritionist teach you about food or a financial adviser show you how to handle your money. And as with food and money, she says there are no magic formulas for success when it comes to sex.
"Despite Cosmo promising you ‘six new sex secrets that will blow your mind,’ there is nothing new when it comes to sex," says Ducky. "There is no revolutionary new orgasm out there that you can or can’t have."
She’d much rather people be less obsessed with what the rest of the world is doing and spend time learning how to live in their own skin, finding pleasure wherever they can find it.
And she’d love young women to stop hating themselves.
"Women are so into self-loathing," Ducky complains. "No person or cream can define your beauty and how sexy you are, so stop comparing yourself."
Not that you need to stand on a rooftop and tell everyone you’re the best, she adds. "Well… maybe once in a while… when no one’s around," she laughs.
As for guys, Ducky wishes we could get beyond our society’s "all men are horny dogs" simplification of male sexuality.
"If you set the bar low, they’ll reach for it," says Ducky.
And hopefully they won’t stick it in their butt.
For more information on Ducky Doolittle and her book, Sex With the Lights On, or if you have any information about her stuffed chipmunk, go to duckydoolittle.com.