I used to think about those poor, petrified souls who, upon hearing the news in 1976 that a fuming, menacing little cannonball named René Lévesque smoked his way to the top, packed up their mansions and bolted like greased WASP-y thunderbolts straight down the 20 West with the speed and efficiency of their German sedans.
Getting off the island would have been rough, no doubt there, but the bile in their stomachs probably settled right around Les Coteaux, a motel-and-gas-station burb that sits on the Ontario-Quebec border. By the time Cornwall rolled around, indigestion – not to mention bruised anglo pride and the smell of political uncertainty – would have been a bad dream.
What was on their minds as they hit the straightaway between Kingston and Toronto to their new home? Maybe it was a feeling they had dodged a bullet, that they really did get a deal on the fire sale of their spiffy houses, if only because they would never have to live in the Republic of Quebec. Maybe it was the idea that their kids, strapped in tight in their car seats behind, would never have to sully their tongues with government-mandated French. Maybe they were really just following the jobs, the ones that flowed from downtown Montreal to Toronto like some bizarre, paranoid osmosis.
Maybe. But you can’t help but think that the stretch of blacktop was prophetic: straight, slate grey, boring, kind of like the city toward which they were fleeing. God, what a sad thought, I used to think way back when. Wimps. Pussies. They can’t stand the heat of this beautiful, unholy joint, can they?
I ate a big slab of crow recently, folks. I became one of those people this week, with a few variations on the theme. I didn’t escape in a German sedan, but an old-assed Volvo whose wonky heating/cooling system is reminiscent of severe menopause. There is no spectre of uncertainty in the province’s near future, other than the Charest-mandated one that is about as popular as the clap – and as curable, courtesy of the next general election. Nor am I particularly scared of anything, apart from those brutal, third-period collapses to which the Canadiens seem all too prone in the playoffs.
Still, though, I did it. I left Montreal on the day it bloomed, complete with 27 degrees of sweaty heat and a dizzying expanse of blue sky. It was the type of day you live through three months of Siberia to get to, and it hurt. So why’d I do it? Simple: career. The situation in Montreal print media is such that you either work the weekly, alternative newspaper gig, or try like hell to get into The Gazette. I did the former for three years. I will never, ever do the latter.
Or you move to Toronto for a summer contract job, move to one of those dreaded, furnished "efficiencies" complete with soiled mattress and a view of one of the city’s umpteen apartment high-rises, and begin dreaming of the trip back.
So, that’s where I am right now. It’s certainly not the worst situation to be in, but it does mean the end of this column. Please indulge me the weepy, self-serving goodbye I probably don’t deserve.
First Watch started just under three years ago, shortly after my last move back from Toronto. It hasn’t changed much during that time, serving as a lovely platform from which to tee off on whatever made me happy, mad, frustrated or crazy. Reaction has always been swift, and usually brutal. If I learned anything writing in this space, it’s that if people agree with you all the time, you’re probably doing something wrong.
I thank the regular readers, wherever you happen to be, and am especially indebted to the slew of perpetual letter writers who filled my inbox with their own poison from week to week. I thank Dimitri Katadotis, for (largely) keeping me out of trouble, and Jamie O’Meara for being both a muse and a shining example of how a columnist should live and write.
I thank predecessor M-J Milloy, whose unbending cynicism rubbed off mightily as I took the job a few years back, and Richard Burnett – the straightest-acting gay man known to civilization. I especially thank the lovely Suzie Owen, girlfriend and intellectual sparring partner, who, I’m proud to say, agreed with exactly one of these columns. The rest made for good debate.
I could go on, but this nostalgia is wearing a little thin. Plus, I have to go fight traffic on the Don Valley Parkway right now. Damn. Real work sucks.
It would have been easy to wallow in paradise for the summer, but four months of purgatory is going to pay off in the long run. It might have hurt to leave, but it’ll be even better to be back. Thanks, ya’ll. It’s been a slice.
16 comments
Ahhh, Toronto. Where even the crumbling, plumbing-deficient apratments cost over $1k a month. Where the oil is outrageously expensive, and the cost of living is three times as high as Montreal. Where the stop-start-stop-start rush hour traffic means a three hour road trip between the equivalent distance of, say, Pierrefonds and downtown.
I can’t say I envy you. I have a lot of family who made the trek, some of them more than once, and they’re all just short of miserable. Myself, I adore Montreal, and even though there may be an opportunity or three more up the 401, I’ll take my chances here.
On the other hand, it could be worse – after multiple jaunts into Toronto and Hamilton, my brother ended up teaching in North Carolina for two years. If you think *Toronto* is bad, try Winston-Salem.
Well, Mr. Patriquin, I wish you the best of luck. I haven’t always agreed with you, but I’ve nearly always enjoyed reading what you had to say.
Just make sure you end up at the Globe and Mail. They pay better!
“God, what a sad thought, I used to think way back when. Wimps. Pussies. They
can’t stand the heat of this beautiful, unholy joint, can they?”–Martin Patriquin on the Montreal deserters who head off to Toronto.
Hey, some people still do and are probably calling you that right now too. Not me though, I’ll just content myself to throwing a ‘good riddance bash’ in your honor and be done with it. Hey, I’ve never hid my mild contempt for your fluff pieces that you tried to pawn off as acceptable journalism so I won’t pretend that I’ll miss you.
Seriously though, I do ‘get’ the urge to leave this festering linguistic sore that begs to be lanced once and for all but I’d hope that if I did I’d migrate to any place but Toronto. God, I’d rather move to the States than die a slow death on Toronto. Don’t get me wrong, Toronto is great as cities go but I just don’t find it appealing in the least. Thanks to all the former Montrealers who migrated there all those years ago it finally has flavor and zest but not nearly enough to make me forget that it STILL is Toronto. If you want to succeed and catch better opportunities I guess it’s the place to go but the spirit of the city tastes like cough syrop.
Montreal is a coast city if you really think about it, the fact that it’s an island is entirely besides the point, so if I had my pick I’d migrate to a place with water and green within spitting distance. I’m thinking B.C. or New York. Expensive, yes. Still my preference though.
Toronto. Man, no one deserves to suffer that hellish bore that’s been trying to be us and every other cool city in Canada. It’ll always be a wannabe city to me no matter how well hyped it is. Well, Mr. Patriquin, one good about your exodus to Blokesville: no more insipid and prejudiced language laws to drive you nuts.
Even Ottawa would be less painful. Not by much but still…
I wish I had read you on a longer period of time, so I could comment with more accuracy and assertion upon your collaboration with this paper as a columnist.
I don’t know either about your predecessors and neither if there are some parameters serving as references in the writing of a column (that is, an editorial position of the paper) or whether you only rely on your own personal standpoint.
Beyond those considerations, I believe I understood what seemed to be your long-time concern during your “era”. While I was reading your farewell – on an artist’s swang song mode, which is legitimate – I was struck to learn you considered very important not to get the agreement of the majority. As though pure controversy was your guideline…
I thought what would matter most in this job is to speak up either your mind or in the name of your community. In other words, is the fact of stirring up the pot matters first or just an honest review of one’s issue, even though it could end up as a plain and middle-of-the-road effect on the readers?
If this is the average columnist’s strategy (or your own) I must admit I am not fond of it much, unless you truly believe your assertions! Create or antogonize a controversy should not be a goal to pursue. I think the purpose of this exercice should be the attempt of seizing a certain truth or, at least, an effort to describe a society’s reality.
One more word before closing this greeting. I would have appreciated you take advantage of this special circumstance to make a personal review of the Montreal scene (its evolution) during the last few years, so we would have had the chance to see how you can summarize your experience behind this desk!
Anyhow, keep us all posted on your stay in the Canada belly button and apparently heartbeat… And as some others would also say, the kingdom of workforce, money, business and righteous thoughts. Maybe you will think back of Montreal as fair place to live. You take care!
I can really sympathize with Mr. Patriquin, since I will also soon be leaving Montreal for the second time to live in Ottawa (not Toronto, thankfully!). From my experience, there aren’t any other cities like Montreal, and those who identify with Montreal really form a strong attachment to it, the city becomes a part of you. Even for those of us who didn’t grow up here, although I imagine that attachment is even stronger for those who have.
It seems to me that many Montrealers have a strong aversion to Toronto, even some who grew up in TO. The values of people in Toronto just seem to contrast so much with those of most Montrealers- making money vs. having a high quality of living.
While the economic situation is definitely getting better in Montreal, the language issues makes life here tough for us anglophones. There just aren’t the jobs here that there are in other parts of North America… I try to think practically, but I still wish that living in Montreal would work out, even though it most likely will not. And there is always the plan that I might move back to Montreal eventually….
In any case, the best of luck to Mr. Patriquin- I hope it works out for you. And don’t feel bad about “selling out”- you have to do what you have to do.
There is no doubt that Montreal and Toronto are the two best cities to live in Canada where we have the best entertainment and cultural diversities. There is a lot of anger to the other responses on this topic and I like to express my frustrations because we should unite the two provinces as one and not fight with each other. I have visited Toronto every single year because I have family up there and the city is as kind as Montreal with wonderful people who will help you if you needed it. The reason why the city of Toronto is more expensive the city of Montreal is because they’re more employment out there than this city.
Like Martin I moved to Toronto back in 1989 to get a better paying job and also to advance my career. It also looks good on your resume. That financial organization used to have all its head office functions in Montreal but they were quietly transferred to Toronto without much fanfare. Only a shell of accounting functions remained in Montreal. In Toronto I met lots of former Montrealers who prospered as their houses jumped in price because of the strong outward migration from Quebec. I even met many francophones in the Queen City who were there to improve their English so that they could qualify for better paying jobs!
For the first time in a generation more Quebeckers are moving back in than moving out. There should be no shame involved in moving from Montreal to Toronto. Americans have been known to move from state to state quite often and it is no big deal for them.
I hope Martin enjoys Toronto and may even one day root for the Maple Leafs and the Blue Jays! I wish him well in his next career.
I left Montreal years ago and not once did I ever consider going to Toronto. Perhaps it was my grandfather’s stories of all the companies and adamant unilingual anglos that streamed out of the province in 76. But when I reflect on it it was that there really wasn’t enough of a difference between the two cities (geographically not culturally). I wanted something more exotic. First I went to Vancouver Island to study but that was WAY too anglo for me to ever feel comfortable there. I finally decided that I had to leave the country itself, because I had ceased to see a difference between cities in Canada. Each had its number of cadillac fairview malls, similar franchises, etc… First I went to South Korea for a year and then I spent 5 years in Istanbul- a huge city of 14 million people. When I came back to Canada, I could clearly see the difference netween Montreal and Toronto: Montreal has a SOUL whereas Toronto wants one.
good luck in hogtown.
Entertainment wise and journalistically aspiring. T.O. just happens to be the place to be. Whether we, as Montreal natives want to admit this or not; is basically irrelevant. If it is your true calling and this career dictates a move and you are capable of this change in scenery; then do it. Why regret what could have been. Grab the offering career branch and trail the seeds along your journey and they will eventually sprout and grow into a full-fledged journalistic career. Enjoy what the whole of Canada has to offer not just want we think it should offer.
That’s where this column is gone… Toronto.
Well I guess they’ll have to find something else to fill the blank. Althought I must admit I will mist this column dearly on the net. It’s one I was eager to read. A few week working harder myself and I just mist the big departure. Well never to late and wish mr. Patriquin the best of luck in the city where the still alive Blue Jays play.
We will be awaiting the return with new ideas if it ever happen. Maybe there’ll be a longer contract after the 4 month stint. But if not and we are forced to read mr. Patriquin again next autumn I guess we will be earing quite a lot about the appartement price, the cost of life, the bar closing at 1am and of Toronto good side too.
Hoping quite frankly that you leave your heart behind and will have to come back to get it.
You’re probably sitting in one of those efficiencies that you describe right now wondering if you made the right decision. Like a yes vote back in 1980, there would have been some temporary fallout…but the dust would have settled…and we would have been a strong republic…you too, will settle and move on. There is no room for advancement in your field in this city. The Gazette will never hire you. You are different. They are afraid….but I digress…good luck…build a career…don’t look back.
I was very sad when in the late 70′s most english speaking Montrealers left for Toronto or other cities in Canada. It was very bad for the economy. I don’t think they should of left, they should of stuck it out and learned french if they had to. Sorry to hear that you’re joining this group of people nevertheless I wish you luck in your future endeavors.
Montreal will be a truly lesser place without your column (nothing compared to where your going, though :). But hey, I read somewhere that stressfull, depressing environments are more inspiring than relaxing ones. I’m pretty sure you’ll be driven to write outstanding articles about Toronto’s dull and overpriced life, earning you the respect of your fellow… Toronto living people…
Sarcasm put aside (its pointless to start breaking you from now, it’ll come soon enough)your reasons for trading Happytown, QC for Rathole, ON are quite understandable. So good luck getting a *decent* job, you deserve it. This is the first time I read your column actually, but it’s enough to show me that you have enough journalistic talent to go a long way. An advantage that should help you escape that hellhole as fast as your legs/Volvo can cary you!
And you know what? Controversy for its own sake IS the best way of writing! And don’t let some zombified intellectual wanna-be politically correct yes-man main flow conservative tell you otherwise.
If I had to leave for “greener pastures” – for some “better” place like *gag* “Toronto the beautiful”, what indeed would I miss ?
I wouldn’t miss the “remember when they were great” stories of our “used to be” sports teams. Wouldn’t miss the irony of a province that wants to seperate yet gets pissed off when the individual cities don’t want to merge. Wouldn’t miss the ENDLESS language debates, bitching, screaming of used to be’s. Hell- I definitely wouldn’t miss “used to be’s”- the city is full of them- too many of them it seems. I wouldn’t miss the damn crazy winters, lousy bus and train service, all-the-same underground shopping malls, blah blah blah.
I would though- miss some things.
I’d miss the people. I’d miss my girlfriend, though hopefully she would come with me ( one would hope ).
Would miss my family – of course – there’s no family in Toronto- even if they live there
( discuss how relevant and deep this is ! ).
I’d miss, St. Catherines Street and Peel- at midnight- all the people laughing and smiling and going on with their lives.
Most of all- I’d miss home- warts and all.
Many anglos I guess have the same thought one time or another should I head down the 401. Many anglos in the past have given up and headed to Toronto. Though we like to make fun of TO a good part of its population is former Montrealers. The sad fact is that there is a lot of opportunity and a chance to move up the corporate ladder.
Montreal on the other hand has a very laid back lifestyle and we have 5 a7 for a reason so that our employers can’t make us work past 5. On the other hand, in Toronto you make the big bucks but you also must put in the late hours.
Both cities I believe have their good and bad points. We like to rag on TO but most new immigrants coming into Canada choose to go TO and there must be for a reason for that. Love it or hate TO has come a long way. Don’t get me wrong, I love Montreal and think it is a great place to live.
Good luck Martin and remember Montreal is only a six hour drive back. Enjoy your new city and make the best of it. I just hope those expensive prices don’t scare you.
Best of luck in Toronto! I live in Toronto and was just there for Divers/Cité and of course Montreal is better in many ways…. it’s a much older city and has so much going for it. I would move there in a minute but the economic situation isn’t appealing, nor would it be easy for an anglo. We’ll see….maybe next year when my french is a little better. But, you know, people love to demonize Toronto. Which is wrong. It’s a pretty good place to live, with some great neighbourhoods, but everywhere has their deficiencies.
Hey Martin,
Sorry to see you go, I have read and enjoyed your work. It is a sad day when a job dictates our lifestyle, but let’s face it, we have a very unique and difficult environment here is Quebec. If there was ever chance to change to emblem on our flag, it should be to a double-edged sword, because it’s what we face here on a daily basis. We love the culture but we hate the lack of job opportunities, we love our passion for life, but are miffed by the government’s portrayal of it’s people as a divided province, when it’s citizens know otherwise. I am always annoyed when a meet people aboard and they say “How do you deal with all the fighting and bickering regarding the language issues?”, I basically give people the same response: “We Quebecers, English and French get along fine, it’s the government that creates the tension, not the people and that just scares off the investors.
It’s no wonder companies refuse to build here. People just leave and we are apathetic about it, time and time again.
Good luck Martin and never forget us.
Just to leave things on a happy note, here is a joke to pass on to your fellow Quebec co-workers:
What is the difference between a cup of yogurt and the City of Toronto?
The yogurt contains ACTIVE culture….
ouch…